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Who Killed The Humans? - SciFi Comedy Collection
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By RealPhillipCarter
Organization campaign Marple, England, GB Report
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  • Reviews
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  • Updates3
  • Activity12
    • Highlights
    • Reviews
    • Shipping
    • Updates3
    • Activity12

RealPhillipCarter hasn't added a story.

A funny book that responds to how you read it.

As starships explode overhead, Susan pulls the scarf from the back end of her favourite horse, noticing that the creature's magical bowels knitted a cryptic message into that unwanted fashion item. "Everything is ending. Help me," the scarf says, as if someone is stuck inside the horse who can knit in the dark and who knows the future. Or maybe there's a pocket dimension up there. Maybe they've got electricity. I don't know, I've never lived up a horse. But Susan is about to.

Elsewhere, squidlike alien Slin-Vek crawls through the flooded ruins of Earth, discovering a rogue tribe of primates who not only remember the Humans, but who worship them as gods.

And from here it only gets weirder. WHO KILLED THE HUMANS? is a multiverse inside a book, something vastly cleverer than any 'AI' slopflinger could ever vomit onto the shag carpet of your mind. No, this is a smart kind of funny, but it doesn't brag about it. It's an easily readable, accessible book that is polite and keeps its clever bits hidden under its night time robes like a good boy. It doesn't wave its clever bits about like those other books you see by the expensive cheese in the supermarket.

It's bolder, and weirder than that.

WHO KILLED THE HUMANS? poses a premise before some of its stories, such as:

What if mushrooms ate humans and got high?

And from that point, you are presented with a fork in the road.

You can decide, by flipping to the right pages, whether the book is going to be serious or silly.

For the example, the silly story is about mushrooms 'tripping' their way into office jobs.

The serious story is about a mushroom that gets splattered with human blood during a murder, and develops sentience.

I told you it would be weird.

A potential cover

★★★★★ "Phillip also infuses the book with an acerbic devastatingly acidic wit compounded with a bone dry sense of humour. The author’s obvious intelligence shines through in both the creative imagination and the beauty of the language. [This is] an exercise in intellectual science-fiction."
- Reader review for WHO BUILT THE HUMANS (the first collection. You don't need one to read the other, as they're standalones, but it would be nice if you got both because there are sneaky links between them)

So. Why crowdfund it?

Because the larger industry doesn't print books like this. Books this experimental, this weird, this fun, are usually rejected in favour of a copy of whatever looked good on the supermarket shelves yesterday. That's why the larger industry is foaming at the mouth (and other areas) over 'AI' churned bullshit that isn't even interesting. Proper books, weird books, are headed in the crowdfunding direction.

I'm just a bit ahead of the new sci-fi wave we're all riding on.

In fact, some say WHO BUILT THE HUMANS (the book before this one) predicted the coronavirus pandemic. I don't think that's true, I just like making jokes about viruses. I was bound to be right eventually.

(I did predict black holes being found inside stars though).

WBTH was well-received by audiences, which is why I've finally announced I was secretly working on another one this whole time.

THE STORIES SO FAR

  • Rawr of the Wurlds XD

  • The day the Earth stood up really fast and felt dizzy

  • Locket

  • A planet called Moron

  • The intertemporal hotel

  • Tombs of the Tekekk

  • Horse bum scarf story

  • All inclusive cattle mutilation holiday

  • A weird old man called God

  • The poet who ended the universe

  • On nostalgia

  • Holes

  • The evil willy from outer space

  • A game called Human

  • Planet to planet salesman

  • Charity

  • The professor and the Tardigrade
  • March of the Prayerphage

  • Moo says the time traveller

  • Purple prose and pathetic parenting

  • An idiot’s guide to sexing up aliens

  • Hologram Kebab

  • The interdimensional kitten

YOU DON'T NEED ONE BOOK TO UNDERSTAND THE OTHER

WHO KILLED THE HUMANS? is very much a standalone book. It is a collection of stories. You don't need both.

But, if you like, I do have copies of WBTH available to sign, just for this crowdfundr.

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Perks

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Signed WKTH (Paperback) + bookmark + stickers
£15 Suggested + shipping
  • 0 ordered
  • 100 remaining
Ships to these countries

A signed paperback, including stickers and bookmark.

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  • Order this product
Featured
WKTH (eBook) digital product
£4 Suggested
  • 1 ordered
  • 899 remaining

Get the full eBook upon release.

If pre-ordered here on Crowdfundr, you will be helping fund the project right now, and your eBook will be delivered to your email address as a PDF file or ePub, using Bookfunnel's bulk delivery system. Bookfunnel are fantastic at this sort of thing, so they're the best.

You can also pre-order the eBook from retailers.

If pre-ordered on Amazon, you'll get it on your kindle (or similar device) as soon as it launches on Amazon, which might be a few weeks after the release here on crowdfundr.

Pre-order from retailers

 

 

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  • Order this product
Featured
Signed WKTH (Hardback) + stickers + bookmark
£26 Suggested + shipping
  • 1 ordered
  • 69 remaining
Ships to these countries

A signed hardback of WHO KILLED THE HUMANS?

Will come with a bookmark, and stickers (to be revealed closer to release)

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  • Order this product
Featured
YOUR NAME in the front of the book!
£50 Suggested
  • 0 claimed
  • 5 remaining

Get your name in the front page of the book in the SUPERFANS section.

There are only 5 slots for this. I want to add a small bio about you (if you want)

(can't be used to advertise your own stuff, that would make my book feel weird)

(this is for fans who want to chip in a little more and be rewarded for it!)

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Featured
Who BUILT The Humans? (eBook link)
£0 Suggested
  • 2 ordered
  • 898 remaining

Read the first, hilarious collection of Sci-Fi stories here, today!

This button takes you to all the online stores that stock my eBook.

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE EBOOK

You can also leave a tip on this tier and it will be counted toward the project goal.

Both WKTH and WBTH are standalone collections, joined in a series only by their shared multiverse and shared themes and metanarrative. You do not need one book to read the other, but having both will open up new doors inside your mind, and who knows what's behind those doors? Probably aliens. It's usually aliens.

More Less
  • Order this product
Featured
Signed WBTH (paperback)
£10 Suggested + shipping
  • 0 ordered
  • 40 remaining
Ships to these countries
Estimated delivery Aug 2024

A signed paperback of WHO BUILT THE HUMANS? (the first sci-fi comedy collection in this series). 

 

You don't need one book to enjoy the other, but there is some sneaky overlap which will make having both books very rewarding.

 

This book can be delivered IMMEDIATELY or, you can combine postage with another product, such as a paperback of WHO KILLED THE HUMANS?

 

Cover will be the Amazon version, as shown in photo.

More Less
  • Order this product
Featured
I will come to your house and read from the book.
£700 Suggested
  • 0 claimed
  • 2 remaining

I will arrive to your house at a time of your choosing and perform a live reading of several stories from the book, as well as some improvised stand-up comedy. Price includes my transport, hotel, and an ungodly amount of kebabs.

 

Yes, this is a real tier and people have asked for it.

 

I will open up an American version if there's demand for it, but it will be more expensive.

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Early access stories
£3 Suggested
  • 2 claimed
  • 98 remaining

Read some of the stories as I write them.

The stories will probably change a lot during development. By being on this tier, you get to see a side of my writing that is usually hidden. As with WBTH1, the chances are you'll read stories which don't even make it into the final book.

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  • Claim this perk
Send Phillip to America
£25 Suggested

Since 2019 my readers have told me that my distinctly weird style of fiction and comedy would be best suited to American audiences. Right now over 85% of my audience is indeed American, and I've even been invited to comedy nights over there.

 

But planes are expensive.

 

I want to take WBTH2 (and WBTH1) to American conventions and events. This will help!

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  • Grant this wish

Highlights

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Reviews

In case you're not sure that this book will change your life and possibly cause you to change your bedsheets, here are some opinions from some humans I found on the internet for the first installment of this series of existentialist Science Fiction and dark Sci-Fi comedy. If you want to see more reviews, check the Amazon page or Goodreads. Just search 'Who Built The Humans?'

 

★★★ ★★ "An astonishing creation, filled with conjecture and supposition. I can honestly say that I have never read anything like this before. The scope is Universe wide and simultaneously microscopically small and incredibly intense.
Phillip Carter has taken the philosophical idea that all of reality is but the dream of some immense cosmic being and dragged it kicking and screaming into a new existence.
The language is poetic and the ideas challenging both in their execution and in the way consciousness is perceived.
Many strands are interwoven and ultimately connected into a whole much greater than the sum of its parts.
Phillip also infuses the book with an acerbic devastatingly acidic wit compounded with a bone dry sense of humour. The author’s obvious intelligence shines through in both the creative imagination and the beauty of the language, never pandering to any temptation to “dumb down” instead urging the reader to expand their own knowledge and awareness.
This is not a by-the-numbers or trope-driven book following some predetermined and predictable formula but rather an exercise in intellectual science-fiction. It is not the easiest of books to read and understand making all the more worthwhile for it but neither is it so convoluted as to be incomprehensible.
I definitely look forward to reading more by Phillip and highly recommend this to any reader wanting more than genre written pulp."

 

★★★★★

"Phillip Carter has a knack for the English language. He just gets it. He can snuggle deep in its comfortable blankets, he can sharpen it and use it to scratch your brain, he can juggle it and perform silly little parlour tricks to make you chuckle and then pull the curtain away and suddenly the Statue of Liberty isn't there anymore and you're also on the Moon.

Carter's writing will buy you a rye whiskey in a smoky bar and huddle with you in the corner. It will whisk you away for a six month whirlwind romance and disappear overnight. It will slap you in the face with a joke or an insight that will wake you up and never let you sleep again.

It's a good book, basically.

Carter tells several deeply fascinating sci-fi stories via a series of episodic stories. This stop-start approach may seem off-putting, but Carter is clever enough to use the unique characteristics of an ebook to allow the reader to enjoy the story how they want. You can watch the whole night's programming, jumping between brief explosions of drama and wit, sadness and poetic rhythm, or you can binge watch your favourite show, and when you look up from the end of your adventure at 3 o'clock in the morning, you can start the whole thing all over again.

Did Carter do himself a disservice by including so much material in one collection? It's possible that WBTH could have been more effective as a series of novellas. I wouldn't complain though - the consumer is getting a hefty amount of content here.

There aren't enough unique voices or concepts in literature these days. Carter understands his power to create something beyond. In a world where art is mass-produced and sold wholesale, Carter is redefining what art means."

 

★★★★★  " whether you're into Douglas Adams or Isaac Asimov or Robert Heinlein, there's something in here for you ."

 

★★★★★ "Alien architects, infant gods, and your run-of-the-mill tinfoil-hat conspiracy theorists are just a few of the people you'll meet within these 47 stories [...] The content aside, the thing I love most about  Who Built The Humans?  is the writing style. The cadence of the story telling is absolutely stunning"

 

★★★★★ "Incredibly weird, laugh out loud funny and very clever. I had so much fun reading it, but I don't think I'll ever be the same again."

 

★★★★★ "Carter writes like a madman and that is truly the only way these stories could have been written. Just like the scribblings of a mad genius"

 

★★★★★ "I ordered this book a few months ago, and had it read within weeks, and I'm a slow reader! If you're looking for the kind of book that really gets your thoughts going, this is perfect. It's exciting, thought-provoking, and the humour is so perfectly placed that it makes it impossible to put down. Absolutely brilliant read, 10/10 would recommend."

 

★★★★★ "The production of this book, from physical to literal is superb!"

 

★★★★★ "WBTH is very unique and has its own distinct voice, which I love. It's funny at times and thought-provoking at times and each story brings something new to the table. It's not trying to be the next cookie-cutter crowd pleaser, it's refreshing and fun to read."

Shipping

Most of my audience live in America. What this means for this British author is that shipping books can sometimes be costly. I made a loss on physical pre-orders for WBTH because I underestimated shipping costs. I am always trying to find better ways of doing things, so if you find a cheaper shipping option for something, let me know by contacting me here or at Halfplanetpress@gmail.com

 

Digital goods won't have a shipping fee.

 

Shipping will be cheapest to UK, and then USA. Europe fluctuates based on how the EU is feeling on that particular morning.

Updates

RealPhillipCarter hasn't posted any updates yet.
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Activity

Show more
Featured
Signed WKTH (Paperback) + bookmark + stickers
£15 Suggested + shipping
  • 0 ordered
  • 100 remaining
Ships to these countries

A signed paperback, including stickers and bookmark.

More Less
  • Order this product
Featured
WKTH (eBook) digital product
£4 Suggested
  • 1 ordered
  • 899 remaining

Get the full eBook upon release.

If pre-ordered here on Crowdfundr, you will be helping fund the project right now, and your eBook will be delivered to your email address as a PDF file or ePub, using Bookfunnel's bulk delivery system. Bookfunnel are fantastic at this sort of thing, so they're the best.

You can also pre-order the eBook from retailers.

If pre-ordered on Amazon, you'll get it on your kindle (or similar device) as soon as it launches on Amazon, which might be a few weeks after the release here on crowdfundr.

Pre-order from retailers

 

 

More Less
  • Order this product
Featured
Signed WKTH (Hardback) + stickers + bookmark
£26 Suggested + shipping
  • 1 ordered
  • 69 remaining
Ships to these countries

A signed hardback of WHO KILLED THE HUMANS?

Will come with a bookmark, and stickers (to be revealed closer to release)

More Less
  • Order this product
Featured
YOUR NAME in the front of the book!
£50 Suggested
  • 0 claimed
  • 5 remaining

Get your name in the front page of the book in the SUPERFANS section.

There are only 5 slots for this. I want to add a small bio about you (if you want)

(can't be used to advertise your own stuff, that would make my book feel weird)

(this is for fans who want to chip in a little more and be rewarded for it!)

More Less
  • Claim this perk
Featured
Who BUILT The Humans? (eBook link)
£0 Suggested
  • 2 ordered
  • 898 remaining

Read the first, hilarious collection of Sci-Fi stories here, today!

This button takes you to all the online stores that stock my eBook.

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE EBOOK

You can also leave a tip on this tier and it will be counted toward the project goal.

Both WKTH and WBTH are standalone collections, joined in a series only by their shared multiverse and shared themes and metanarrative. You do not need one book to read the other, but having both will open up new doors inside your mind, and who knows what's behind those doors? Probably aliens. It's usually aliens.

More Less
  • Order this product
Featured
Signed WBTH (paperback)
£10 Suggested + shipping
  • 0 ordered
  • 40 remaining
Ships to these countries
Estimated delivery Aug 2024

A signed paperback of WHO BUILT THE HUMANS? (the first sci-fi comedy collection in this series). 

 

You don't need one book to enjoy the other, but there is some sneaky overlap which will make having both books very rewarding.

 

This book can be delivered IMMEDIATELY or, you can combine postage with another product, such as a paperback of WHO KILLED THE HUMANS?

 

Cover will be the Amazon version, as shown in photo.

More Less
  • Order this product
Featured
I will come to your house and read from the book.
£700 Suggested
  • 0 claimed
  • 2 remaining

I will arrive to your house at a time of your choosing and perform a live reading of several stories from the book, as well as some improvised stand-up comedy. Price includes my transport, hotel, and an ungodly amount of kebabs.

 

Yes, this is a real tier and people have asked for it.

 

I will open up an American version if there's demand for it, but it will be more expensive.

More Less
  • Claim this perk
Early access stories
£3 Suggested
  • 2 claimed
  • 98 remaining

Read some of the stories as I write them.

The stories will probably change a lot during development. By being on this tier, you get to see a side of my writing that is usually hidden. As with WBTH1, the chances are you'll read stories which don't even make it into the final book.

More Less
  • Claim this perk
Send Phillip to America
£25 Suggested

Since 2019 my readers have told me that my distinctly weird style of fiction and comedy would be best suited to American audiences. Right now over 85% of my audience is indeed American, and I've even been invited to comedy nights over there.

 

But planes are expensive.

 

I want to take WBTH2 (and WBTH1) to American conventions and events. This will help!

More Less
  • Grant this wish
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