Straw Girl's Darkest Premiere
to THE STRAW GIRL - Feature Horror Film
by Creepy Christina Productions
I, Straw Girl, invite you as my V.I.P. to my red carpet...no no no! My DARK carpet premiere of my film, The Straw Girl. You will sit among me your Straw Girl, my vessel Gabby Gillmore, and the rest of the cast and crew during the screening and join us in the after party following the event. Take pictures with us and have a unique experience nobody else will have. There will be some special gifts just for you that nobody else will have. What are they you are asking? Sorry, I'm not a tattle tale, I keep my secrets wrapped in bloody straw bundles tied with bloody strands of my brown hair and buried where only I can find them.
I'm sorry from my deepest darkest core, but I can't fund your travel or lodging
If that sounds deliciously dark then I want you there with me..and ONLY ME!
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
Not only will I give you the digital version of "The Straw Girl", but as a bonus I'll attach like a spirit does to a physical body the digital version of "Straw Girl".
Maybe I'll hitch a ride to you as well....hehehehe.....
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
After some growling and grunting, I, Straw Girl, have decided to allow the release of signed physical copies of my feature horror screenplay, The Straw Girl.
I'll "politely" ask once and only once before not being so "polite" for...
...My dark and devious writer/director/Executive Producer Craig MacLachlan....
...The Grrrrrrl sinister and dark enough to portray me, Straw Girl, Gabby Gillmore...
...The Grrrrrrl brave and crazy enough to portray Charlotte, Brylyn Curfman...
...HE, HIM, the one who calls himself The Man, Bill Houskeeper...
...To sign my screenplay for all of you. And I suppose I'll allow any other Crew who want scratch their name onto it as well.
And just perhaps I'll sign my name, STRAW GIRL, in my blood to make you happy.
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
My feature film "The Straw Girl" on DVD or Blu-Ray for you from me, your Straw Girl. I'll also allow behind the scenes photos and videos and interviews on these physical metal disk objects.
I'm receiving a message at this very moment from Tina and Blake. They want me to also add my short proof of concept film, "Straw Girl", with behind the scenes footage and photos as an added bonus on both disk versions. I guess they love you all and say I should too...they're LUCKY I tolerate them both.
Buy one now or I'll come and SCRATCH your disks with my jagged fingernails and you'll wish you had listened to your Straw Girl.
I'll even send you a PDF screenplay for "The Straw Girl" and "Straw Girl" and give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
Straw Girl, here. So you want a poster from my original short horror film, Straw Girl? Well, lucky for you I've decided to dig some up from my hallowed straw bundle filled burial grounds and allow them to see the light. It's the best and least I can do for Christina "Tina" MacLachlan who created me and for Blake Redding who helped bring me to life..
See...I do have a soft spot...sorta...but grab one quick before I bury it again for all of eternity.
I'm also offering the poster for my feature film "The Straw Girl". So pick one before I make a straw bundle to fit you inside of.
You want both? I bet you do. So just scratch out the maximum price to me......
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
Help me feed the cast and crew during the filming of my story, The Straw Girl. I offered to feed everyone, but the sound of worms, maggots, insects, rotting flesh, raw meat, sinew, marrow and bones and more delicious, delectable edibles was not appealing or appetizing to anyone...I don't understand why?
As far as Charlotte is concerned, she can starve or eat dead grass and dirt I don't really care...and The Man, well you can buy him all the cold beans you want because that is all he deserves and gets.
If you want to give the cast and crew what they say is "real food", then donate 2 little dollars and bring us a meal or two on set. If you want to donate cash to help buy food for everyone so they can function I'd appreciate it...I suppose...
I'll give you a catering assistant credit on the film and on IMDB for your sacrifice. I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
Your name or initials will be written in my blood somewhere in my film. Where you may ask? Well that's up to me so stop asking, or I'll come find you, use your blood instead and that won't end well for you now will it...now give me the minimum amount of your soul...
What's that you ask? You want to witness me writing your initials or name in my film versus them being already written out? Well I'll take the maximum amount of your soul for that option.
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
I, Straw Girl, debated, growled and grunted on this reward perk because I do not take fondly to either of these "things" these "its" these...these...these despicable....but I'll allow it...for now...but I fear what they may say to you about me to try and deceive and manipulate you to their favor...but truly have no fear because if they do, then they will get what they deserve...punishment from me...and so will YOU for believe them...
...This is your only WARNING....
Only 10 total personal messages from on set are allowed between them both, so choose with care.
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
Want a piece of me, your Straw Girl? Of course you do. Well, I'll dig up one of my body parts and send it to you special like, still wrapped in a bloody straw bundle tied tight with my blood stained brown hair.
There are NO RETURNS if any part of me comes to life and.....well...
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
I'll send to you one unique prop from my film of my personal choosing, not Mr. Craig's. I, Straw Girl, can't guarantee any of my props will not come to you cursed or with a spiritual attachment so be warned...NO RETURNS.
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
I don't talk much, but I will send a personal message to you in a video shot on set during the filming of my story, "The Straw Girl". I can't guarantee if I'll speak or just "growl and grunt and howl". Maybe Christina will speak, or that THING, that IT called Charlotte may sneak a word in, but if she does she will suffer in agony. And a special dark-heartfelt thanks to my special vessel, Gabby Gillmore, who can't stop me from inhabiting her physical body. She has no choice in the matter. So maybe, just perhaps, a few of you may hear from her as well.....if I allow it.
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
I, Straw Girl, invite you as my V.I.P. to my red carpet...no no no! My DARK carpet premiere of my film, The Straw Girl. You will sit among me your Straw Girl, my vessel Gabby Gillmore, and the rest of the cast and crew during the screening and join us in the after party following the event. Take pictures with us and have a unique experience nobody else will have. There will be some special gifts just for you that nobody else will have. What are they you are asking? Sorry, I'm not a tattle tale, I keep my secrets wrapped in bloody straw bundles tied with bloody strands of my brown hair and buried where only I can find them.
I'm sorry from my deepest darkest core, but I can't fund your travel or lodging
If that sounds deliciously dark then I want you there with me..and ONLY ME!
I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
Would you like to be my "SURROGATE MOMMY" whom has no choice but to birth me into this physical realm? A mysterious and dark moment, but a needed sacrifice for whom I will become.
Sorry, I can't pay your way to my set if you want to be my mommy, but I can feed you...though you may want to choose catering over what I'll feed you.
Please, come be my mommy and experience something you've never experienced before. I'll scratch and etch your name in the film's credits and on my IMDB page as a member of the cast and I'll even give you my "darkest thanks" in the film's end credits and on IMDB!
What? You say you don't want one of my Straw Girl lovely rewards I'm offering to you and you would like to personally donate to me your own amount of cash? I'll take what you give me and bury it in a bundle of straw tied with my brown hair and keep it safe for my servant Mr. Craig MacLachlan.
Oh, you are still talking? Let me take the straw out of my ears....So you would like to create a personal Straw Bundle of mixed rewards? Yes, we can negotiate on my terms for something special and unique like that.
Go on and contact me via Mr. Craig MacLachlan and let's make a "dark" deal that benefits me, Straw Girl, of course.
Would you like to be my sidekick for a day on set? I really could use you to vent my frustrations and rage upon as I deal with The Man and Charlotte....grrrrrrrr.....if you are able to sneak away from me somehow, you can go be protected by my director and creator Mr. Craig MacLachlan. He'll keep you safe, that is, until I snatch you back from him! You can mingle with the rest of the cast and crew and have a fun time...especially when you are with me.
Sorry I can't pay for travel, so that's up to you. You can crawl here if you like, that's fine with me hehe
I'll even unwrap a DVD or Blu-Ray for you and both film posters and both of my films on digital and a signed copy of The Straw Girl screenplay. And to top it all off I'll do a personal video with you, but I can't guarantee I won't bite or claw or scratch or....
I'll even give you my darkest thanks in the film's credits and on IMDB.
Okay, you're invading Straw Girl's space now, get away from me or else...
I, Straw Girl, will give to you my darkest of dark donator, all of my rewards (just not my surrogate mother) and wrap them in the bloodiest, dirtiest straw bundle I have ever created. Which means using a lot of my hair to tie it up. Hmmm...I may need to borrow some of your hair so don't fret when your hair is ripped from your skull while you are sleeping. Sorry I don't use scissors.
I will also allow you to have a "Co-Executive Producer" credit in The Straw Girl credits and on my IMDB page.
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