Campaign Stories Feedback Swap

  • Campaign Stories Feedback Swap

    Posted by Barilleon on December 14, 2022 at 10:48 am

    Hey all – we’re halfway through December, and Tabletop Nonstop is almost upon us! Here’s an opportunity for us to check in and share what we’ve been working on.

    This thread’s theme is campaign stories! The story is one of the most important aspects of the campaign page. It helps showcase your product and your team. I’ve found an effective story is one that is transparent and up-front about what the project is while also providing a sincere appeal to emotion. The who and why are just as important as the what and how!

    Here are some resources for crafting a great story:

    Campaign Strategy Toolkit – right on the Creator Hub! There are lots of awesome resources under the “Academy” section.

    Salvador Briggman’s Video – Salvador’s stuff is a wealth of knowledge for crowdfunding.

    Another thing that is very helpful is to find successful crowdfunding campaigns (on any platform) similar to yours and see how they wrote their story.


    Another thing that’s helpful is to share your story with others and get feedback on it – family, friends, and other industry professionals.


    Let’s use this thread to swap feedback for our campaign stories. Share your draft or campaign page here if you’d like feedback, and reply to other creators to provide feedback to them. Let’s also keep this feedback positive and constructive: talk about what you like about a story, and what you’d like to see more of in the next iteration!

    FantasyEcology replied 3 weeks, 3 days ago 3 Members · 5 Replies
  • 5 Replies
  • FantasyEcology

    January 8, 2023 at 10:15 am

    Hi all! I am sharing my campaign story below – I would greatly appreciate any feedback you have. This is only the campaign story itself, please keep in mind that below this information there is also a Campaign Goals section and a Meet the Team section that I am pulling together. Here we go! Just for reference, this campaign will be called Curse of the Extinguished Sun: A Level 20 Adventure!

    Campaign Story

    A fast-paced level 20 adventure chock-full of combat, exploration, and roleplay!

    [insert splash banner here]

    The sun has disappeared, replaced by a burning ring of black fire that has plunged the world into eternal night and separated mortals from their Gods. Nightmare monsters advance from the world of Nocturnia and an exiled queen plots her violent and fiendish revenge.

    Curse of the Extinguished Sun is a level 20 adventure compatible with 5th edition, created by Zeke Gonzalez. In addition to the adventure itself, the PDF includes five new monsters (including a CR 30 Archfiend capable of threatening a level 20 party), three new magic items, and two new spells.

    This adventure is designed to be playable either as a oneshot that allows you to experience the epic action and drama of high-level play or added to your campaign as an excursion into a realm of darkness to claim a powerful magic item. This adventure is friendly to new players, veterans, or anybody in-between.

    The adventure is wholly written, but we are crowdfunding in the hopes of getting professional art, layout, and editing to make this adventure stand out as a great example of tier 4 play. If you’re interested, check out our free preview!

    This preview includes the opening encounter of the adventure and a small exploration-focused dungeon that sets the stakes. Keep in mind that this preview is not the final product: it has not been edited and features placeholder art or maps that may be replaced in the final product.

    [insert preview here]


    (Spoilers below!)

    This 32-page adventure begins with the sun’s sudden and terrifying disappearance, both plunging the land into darkness and severing mortal connections to the Gods. The party’s only hope is to commune with the spirit of an ancient hero of the sun Goddess.

    This spirit guides the characters to Nocturnia: a plane of sheer darkness in which all manner of monstrous nightmares slither, crawl, and hiss. Shed exoskeletons and ancient bones crack under the characters’ feet as they navigate a gilded forest where otherworldly predators lurk. Massive caverns perforate the runestone-embedded cliffs, where viscous trails mark the treacherous path. The dark realm of Nocturnia is home to a full ecosystem of magical monsters more threatening than anything these heroes have fought before.

    After traversing the dark realm, the characters reach the throne of Nocturnia’s master: Vostromoth, the Archfiend of Loathing and Wealth. Once a mortal queen and powerful archmage, she was banished to Nocturnia by the Goddess of the Sun. Over many centuries, the dread queen honed her skills and attuned to the realm’s dark energy to become an Archfiend of incredible power.

    Finally the heroes must face Vostromoth in battle — but it is much more than a simple fight. Vostromoth is a three-stage boss fight that will require all of the resources at the party’s disposal to defeat. Besides her powerful magic, Vostromoth is the fiendish incarnation of hatred and greed with magical abilities that emphasize these themes. Can your heroes defeat the wretched Archfiend and end the eternal night? Or will they join her glittering hoard as golden statues when Vostromoth conquers their home?

    • micahdraws

      January 11, 2023 at 11:08 am

      Ooooh, a level 20 adventure! That’s exciting!

      I agree with Barilleon’s comments about breaking up text. I used to be a front-end web developer at a university and worked closely with our department’s chief editor for web copy. One thing we stressed is you want to try to vary presentation. People don’t read much on websites, but it helps encourage them if the copy’s easy to read.

      Using bulleted lists instead of prose is a great way to do it. You can also use bold and/or italics to call out key words, characters, phrases, NPCs, etc.

      I would consider including a handful more preview images, too. Crops of maps or pics of NPCs or monsters, a look at Vostromoth, things like that to help introduce the adventure. Visual elements really help in creative works like this!

      The hardest part trying to edit with an eye for varying paragraph length. If you have a bunch of similarly-sized paragraphs in a row, they tend to blend together in the reader’s eye. This is REALLY tough to do though, so I would not put a lot of effort here unless you have a clear idea how to change things. Otherwise you might drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out. For something like a campaign story, just breaking up the text a little more is usually more than enough.

      • FantasyEcology

        January 12, 2023 at 5:45 pm

        Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback! I will do my best to visually break up the text a bit more with bullet points, art, and images of the preview like you suggested.

  • Barilleon

    January 9, 2023 at 10:16 am

    Hey Zeke!

    I think this is a really great start. I have a great sense of what this project is about, but there are a few things that I’d really love to see:

    This adventure provides something that is sorely needed in the 5th edition marketplace— Tier 4 content!! A lot of campaign story advice revolves around how to tell *your* story, and I think you have a great opportunity to do that here. Why did you write this? What makes great Tier 4 content in your expert opinion, and can we expect that in this adventure? Also, knowing your work, you are THE GUY doing Tier 4 content for 5e. I think you can and should mention that this is from the same creator that made the acclaimed Pretty Little Liches series and other T4 adventures.

    Another thing I’d recommend is breaking up the information so that it’s easier to parse. On sales pages like this, I find that supporters are really drawn to graphics, bulleted lists, and facts and figures. I kind of want to see that sentence where you’re mentioning all of the adventure’s features turned into a bulleted list, something like:

    • Five brand-new high-CR monsters
    • An epic three-stage boss fight
    • New magic items and spells

    Lastly, I think the Adventure summary at the end might be a little too much information, especially without headings to break it up. I think the background we get at the beginning of your campaign story is compelling enough.

    • FantasyEcology

      January 9, 2023 at 4:03 pm

      Thanks so much for the feedback, Leon! I totally agree with the first two pointers and will definitely incorporate those ideas (maybe I’ll see if the layout designer Anja could distill one of those paragraphs into a simple graphic as well).

      Just to clarify your third point, do you think I’m better off removing the “Adventure” chunk or do you think it would be better to keep it but break them up with three subheadings to make it easier to read? I really appreciate your insights, thanks again!