In 2019, I was on the Playa at Burning Man, 'Metamorphosis,' experiencing what I would now call, the calm before the storm. The next 6-years of my life would become a whirlwind. I would be propelled into the deepest, darkest, most turbulently challenging, and uncomfortable journey into an internal battle between my head and my heart. It would require me to wrestle with self-doubt, fear, anger, loss, grief, pain, disappointment, resentment, uncertainty, coping addictions, remnants of past traumas, PTSD, and to completely lose myself in order to find my true self buried beneath a pile of debris from the wreckage of the fallout. Once the storms passed, I was left to walk through the wreckage of my former self and navigate this terrain with a newfound sense of clarity, purpose, and unwavering direction.

In the stillness that followed the storms, it was in the wreckage where I discovered my healing required two major realizations; 1.) I can find and create my stillness in any storm, 2.) I can shed the outdated parts of myself, just as a snake must shed its skin in order to grow, over and over again. I had many storms to traverse and lots of skins to shed. After a lot of personal trauma and loss, a very sudden end to 24-year career in the Fire Service, I was eft with severe PTSD, isolation, rejection, doubt, debt, and uncertainty. My life felt like absolute chaos, choking to survive, encircled by a massive trail of debris and destruction.

Amidst these storms I've learned how to embrace the suffering, pain, and beauty of renewal. It required me to face these battles, often alone, with conscious effort, remembering to pause and breath, to remain calm, grounded, and anchored in the present moment, trusting every storm will eventually pass and I will emerge stronger on the other side.

Every cycle is a necessary process of renewal. A process that leaves us raw and exposed. One that is not at all easy or linear. It is cyclical, like a spiral, that keeps returning us to a place where we reexperience the discomfort again and again until we release it like a constricting skin. Scared might be what you are feeling, but brave is actually what you're doing by transforming your pain into power, and your struggle into growth. Keep growing, it gets better. Your actions lead to change, change leads to growth, and growth eventually leads to peace. The things we all have to GO through is what we learn to GROW through.

As I sorted through the destruction, I began to rebuild, piece by piece. I recognized that breakdowns become the catalyst for breakthroughs and that we are built for the unraveling. If it feels like everything is falling apart, you are closer to the breakthrough than you realize. For what destroys you, also builds you, and what confines you, also shapes you.

I am just not IN the eye of the storm; I AM the eye of the storm. Embracing my EYE-dentity, I carry the core of calm within me, and my true essence emerges not despite the external turmoil, but because of it. Graciously accepting the wisdom of my old story, I realize I wouldn’t be who or where I am without my past; but I will never find peace standing in the ruins of what or who I used to be, for ruin is the road to transformation.

Suffering is just resisting what WAS, not what IS, and suffering is not our story. We are all wounded healers dancing in our own storms, waiting for the dust to settle and someone to come and help us pick up the debris. But there will be no peace in the world around you until there is peace in your mind. Learning how to exist as your own peace in any situation, to become unflappable, yet human, is very humbling and freeing and contributes to the intricate mosaic of your authentic being.

Channeling my experience of this spiritual transformation into an art structure is about sharing my story of struggle, survival, and growth, in hopes you see something in it that resembles the struggles within your own journey, and you will find something to help you navigate the next storm on your horizon.

Trust in the process. Let the cycles teach you. Let the storms cleanse you. Let the discomfort shape you. Let the silence guide you. Because, in the end, you will stand anchored in the eye, a beacon of authenticity, bathed in the light of your own truth. You will find balance between resilience and acceptance, strength and vulnerability.

The storms we weather are meant to break us; to shape us into our truest selves with every twist and turn being a testament to your growth. Embrace the work done in the dark, because darkness is one hell of a coach! Hold space in the uncomfortable mess and trust that peace will follow. You were made for more, and once you lose everything, you are free to do anything!

✨🌪🐍⚕️✨

"You can dance in a hurricane, but only if you’re standing in the eye" – Brandi Carlile.

2025 is the Year of the Snake

I am creating an 8-foot-tall metal spiral whirlwind structure, wrapped in rope to appear like a snake. It will have a snake head and glowing eyes at the top of the spiral and be secured to the playa on a turntable that will be interactive for folks to spin the storm and giving it the appearance of a dust whirlwind spinning across the desert. In the center of the storm will be a small person standing in their center allowing chaos to swirl around them while centered in calm. At the base of the platform will be a coiled snake's tail with a concrete wedge anchor to resemble the tip of the snake's tail. The anchor is a reminder we can also stay grounded and connected to ourselves amidst any chaos.  (This is a non-climbing piece, but interactive.)

I truly have no idea what I’m doing, but I do know that I always figure it out if I trust my vision, it can become a reality! I am tackling this art piece on my own, trying to fund it myself. It is not a hugely extravagant piece, but like anything we attempt, it usually costs more time, effort, and funding than estimated! To keep costs as low as possible for the creation, the goal was to repurpose as many materials as possible which also represents how we repurpose ourselves over and over based on our lived experiences. I have sourced out scrap metal tubing for the spiral, a metal road grate for the base, coils and coils of retired crab rope for the skin, hardware, and accessories for solar lighting of the structure at night. So far, I have managed to keep the materials cost fairly low, the production costs are far more than I had estimated. Renting shop space, welding rental hours, one on one instruction and assistance has been invaluable, yet have definitely been the costliest piece so far. Funds raised are going towards all of the material, production, lighting, power, installation, deinstallation, and transport or the structure. So, any contributions will greatly help reduce trying to fund this entirely out of pocket.

Some of the biggest lessons this process has taught me so far is one, how to ask for help without fear of rejection or judgement. I have been a lone wolf my whole life and have figured out how to do a lot of things on my own, but that can only take you so far. Being able to trust others to help bring something to life that tells my story is really important and difficult all the same.

The next major lesson I am embracing is to leave perfectionism in the dust (literally). Learning how to use tools I've never used and the tools available and on hand. Becoming proficient at welding, plasma cutting, drilling, heating, and bending metal in unconventional ways by using a pneumatic press versus a roller, has taught me patience and a greater ability to adapt to the ever-changing complications the piece creates. As it climbs in size, modifications must be continually made so it becomes stable, safe to interact with, yet carries the intended message from the original concept. 

Numerous ideas about how it will come to life have been created, applied, adapted, edited, and revamped over the past few months. To see it take shape and start to become a real-life version from a vision in my mind has been the most humbling and honestly emotional part. The past 6-years have been hard to believe I can ever do anything well again, let alone create something that speaks as a physical representation of my life and the most difficult chapter I've evolved through.

I have trust in me, the Universe, the magic of Burning Man, and the support of all of you, that I can bring this to life in honor of everyone that has been sucked into a storm, outgrown a skin that has been choking the life out of them, and shed the mess without holding onto what was. We all can find our stillness in the storm and learn the lessons the spirals in our lives can teach us.

I know I am not alone in the feelings this piece evokes in me, that I hope it evokes and speaks in others. I can say the process of just creating it has been more healing than I could have ever imagined. To anyone doubting they can create, just know purpose is the reason for your journey, passion is the fire that lights the way, and progress comes from the process. Savor your suffering; appreciate it, embrace it, learn to love it, and discover the beauty inside those messy messages.

Whatever you are seeking to find on this journey, the best part is that you will find yourself. Just do the dang thing already, it will change your life in more ways than you will ever know!